So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i've created a new STD.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
