6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
