My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
