please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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