I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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