I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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