why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
