so let's talk penis.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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