Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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