Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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