He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
