she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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