my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
