I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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