if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm at about main and main street
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
