would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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