No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
