both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
