What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
