omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
