just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
