just tell him i said nine months
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
