I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
