You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
