he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
