I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
