Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
