Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
