Whod you bang
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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