I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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