Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
