literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
