bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
