I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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