:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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