The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
