Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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