Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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