My room smells like vodka and shame
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
