Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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