U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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