So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
