Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
