Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
