Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Im part way to drunk.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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