Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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