Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
