What a fucking waste of an outfit
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
