do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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