ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
