We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
