Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
