I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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