Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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