I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
