Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
