Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
In America we eat man semen.
worst night to have a conscience
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
