my soul wont recognize me after tonight
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
