Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
