take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
