You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
