I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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