In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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