dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
