do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
